"Is that a belly button ring in your MOUTH?!" & other things I never thought I'd have to say...

{Pretty sure that's going to be the title of my book...if I ever find the time to write it.}

Over the past few years, words have come out of my mouth that I never thought I would have to say. 

For example:

"What are you sucking on?  Is that---is that A BELLY BUTTON RING?!?!" 
Lasterday {that's a word made up by one of my little darlings.  The official definition: any day in the past that is not yesterday.  Could have been a week ago...could have been a year ago.  Lasterday.}  we came in from recess and one of my friends was sucking on something.  A belly button ring.  Or maybe a tongue ring?  Not exactly sure.  But it was in her mouth.  Wanna know where she found it?  Yep, you guessed it.  On the playground.  I had to explain to her the many things that were wrong with this situation.  I don't think she understood the fact that she could have contracted some terrible disease.  Or that she cared.    

"Why are you holding a bra on my carpet?" 
I turned my head for like five seconds to pull something up on my SmartBoard and when I looked back at my class, I saw a little kindergartner with a purple bra in her lap.  Not on her body.  In her lap.  Just holding it.  I hadn't seen it prior to turning around, so I have no clue where it came from.  But there it was.  And I couldn't look at it during calendar time.  So I had to take it away and put it in my desk drawer until time to go home.  I told her to just keep it at home from now on...that there was no need to wear a bra in kindergarten.

"Stop rubbing the biscuit on your face!" 
Kids...they do the silliest things for sure.  One day I saw one rubbing a biscuit all over his face during breakfast.  I was all, stop rubbing the biscuit on your face!  And I cracked up.  I could not maintain composure during that one.  So I had to stop and explain that I was serious about the whole not rubbing the biscuit on your face thing, but that it was crazy ridiculous {and I think I even used those words} that I had to tell a second grader that they shouldn't rub food all over their face.  It was highly entertaining for everyone involved.

"I don't speak pig.  You're going to have to use your words."
For a while, I had a friend who liked to oink instead of speak.  Problem is...I don't speak pig.  I only understand English.  Luckily, we've cut the oinking down to every now and then instead of a majority of the time. 

"So you mean to tell me you've been spelling your name wrong for THREE years?!" 
OK.  This is totally a true story.  I know it seems unreal.  It seems unreal to me too.  But you can't make this stuff up.  For the last week or so, one of my kids started spelling his name wrong on his papers.  I circled it and talked to him about how we don't need to be silly and we should spell our name correctly.  But he kept spelling it wrong.  So I had another discussion with him and he revealed that his mom told him that was how he was supposed to spell his name.  I sent a note home to mom to see what was going on.  Sure enough, mom wrote back saying we've been spelling his name wrong.  We loop, so I've had this child since kindergarten.  Never once in the past three years did mom mention that his name wasn't spelled right.  I spent the afternoon digging through files, looking up information, and pretty much going all CSI on this situation.  Come to find out...the birth certificate confirmed that he has been spelling his name wrong since kindergarten.  His name was even misspelled on all of his enrollment information {you know, the stuff filled out by parents...}  How does this happen?  HOW?!  Please explain.  It would totally rock my world if I found out I had been spelling my name wrong since kindergarten.  I just don't understand how this happened and why we're just now bringing it to light.  Somebody help me please.

So...I need to know: what are some words you never thought would come out of your mouth?!