Wednesday, March 7, 2012

"Is that a belly button ring in your MOUTH?!" & other things I never thought I'd have to say...

{Pretty sure that's going to be the title of my book...if I ever find the time to write it.}

Over the past few years, words have come out of my mouth that I never thought I would have to say. 

For example:

"What are you sucking on?  Is that---is that A BELLY BUTTON RING?!?!" 
Lasterday {that's a word made up by one of my little darlings.  The official definition: any day in the past that is not yesterday.  Could have been a week ago...could have been a year ago.  Lasterday.}  we came in from recess and one of my friends was sucking on something.  A belly button ring.  Or maybe a tongue ring?  Not exactly sure.  But it was in her mouth.  Wanna know where she found it?  Yep, you guessed it.  On the playground.  I had to explain to her the many things that were wrong with this situation.  I don't think she understood the fact that she could have contracted some terrible disease.  Or that she cared.    

"Why are you holding a bra on my carpet?" 
I turned my head for like five seconds to pull something up on my SmartBoard and when I looked back at my class, I saw a little kindergartner with a purple bra in her lap.  Not on her body.  In her lap.  Just holding it.  I hadn't seen it prior to turning around, so I have no clue where it came from.  But there it was.  And I couldn't look at it during calendar time.  So I had to take it away and put it in my desk drawer until time to go home.  I told her to just keep it at home from now on...that there was no need to wear a bra in kindergarten.

"Stop rubbing the biscuit on your face!" 
Kids...they do the silliest things for sure.  One day I saw one rubbing a biscuit all over his face during breakfast.  I was all, stop rubbing the biscuit on your face!  And I cracked up.  I could not maintain composure during that one.  So I had to stop and explain that I was serious about the whole not rubbing the biscuit on your face thing, but that it was crazy ridiculous {and I think I even used those words} that I had to tell a second grader that they shouldn't rub food all over their face.  It was highly entertaining for everyone involved.

"I don't speak pig.  You're going to have to use your words."
For a while, I had a friend who liked to oink instead of speak.  Problem is...I don't speak pig.  I only understand English.  Luckily, we've cut the oinking down to every now and then instead of a majority of the time. 

"So you mean to tell me you've been spelling your name wrong for THREE years?!" 
OK.  This is totally a true story.  I know it seems unreal.  It seems unreal to me too.  But you can't make this stuff up.  For the last week or so, one of my kids started spelling his name wrong on his papers.  I circled it and talked to him about how we don't need to be silly and we should spell our name correctly.  But he kept spelling it wrong.  So I had another discussion with him and he revealed that his mom told him that was how he was supposed to spell his name.  I sent a note home to mom to see what was going on.  Sure enough, mom wrote back saying we've been spelling his name wrong.  We loop, so I've had this child since kindergarten.  Never once in the past three years did mom mention that his name wasn't spelled right.  I spent the afternoon digging through files, looking up information, and pretty much going all CSI on this situation.  Come to find out...the birth certificate confirmed that he has been spelling his name wrong since kindergarten.  His name was even misspelled on all of his enrollment information {you know, the stuff filled out by parents...}  How does this happen?  HOW?!  Please explain.  It would totally rock my world if I found out I had been spelling my name wrong since kindergarten.  I just don't understand how this happened and why we're just now bringing it to light.  Somebody help me please.

So...I need to know: what are some words you never thought would come out of your mouth?!


Journey of a Substitute Teacher (Ms. T) said...

That's hilarious! All of it!

Stop crawling around and barking like a dog. We are humans, not pets.

Stop sticking broccoli in her hair. (the kids had broccoli as a snack)

I know I've said more funny stuff, but I'm having a hard time remembering what! Lol

Journey of a Substitute Teacher

Erin said...

This just made me laugh so loud! Thanks for sharing, I needed that laugh! :)

Unknown said...

Sometimes it isn't what they say but it is what they do that cracks me up! This happened just today.

Let's see if you can visualize this...

I have a little guy in my room this year who, let's just say has some behavioral concerns with the major one being ALWAYS off task. If he can find something to distract him, he will.

Anywho, it is DRA testing week in my room right now, so during reading groups I was testing one of my little cuties. Of course, being the "with it" teacher that I am, I am occasionally looking up to see that my special guy is on task (what am I thinking...he is always off task). So today, when I looked up, there he was with a small piece of paper stuck to his lips as he is staring off into space. As I was just about to ask him if he knew that the piece of paper was hanging there, I noticed him stick his tongue out of his mouth to grab the tiny paper. So of course, I decided to watch what he was doing (yes, I simply forgot that the child sitting in front of me was reading and I was suppose to be taking a running record). So as I watched, this little guy proceeded to stick his tongue out of his mouth and move that tiny speck of paper around with the tip of his tongue. I discovered that he was quite proficient at sticking the paper to his tongue and removing the paper from his tongue and placing it back on his lips, all the while NEVER touching it with his hands. This entertained him for quite some time (apparently I was entertained as well) all the while, he didn't get any classwork accomplished.

It took every ounce of energy for me to not burst out laughing like a crazy woman at that point; however, the "teacher" in me simply reminded him to take the piece of paper off of his tongue and try to stay on task and complete his center work.

Oh, and let's just say that the little cutie that was reading to me did quite well on their DRA. Afterall, he/she was REALLY the only one who was staying on task at that moment.

Happy Blogging!

Unknown said...

Oh geez, these are hilarious. I need to start writing the "funnies" down. My kiddo's make me laugh every day.

hsamuelson said...

So nice to hear some funnies from other rooms!
I have some stability ball chairs in my room this year. They tend to get noisy as they make squeaky sounds as they move...not even thinking I said, "I need all balls to be still"....then had to think for a moment...Thank goodness for first grader innocence :)
Swamp Frog First Graders

Emily said...

These silly things are the theme of my blog.

One that just came to me though..."I'm hearing voices!" If we said that in public people would so think we are crazy. =)

Emily @ Second Grade Silliness 

Cupcake said...

Oh my goodness, this made me laugh!
A Cupcake for the Teacher

Unknown said...

I laughed so much my husband came to find out what was wrong with me, I had to read them to him he cracked up too! Oh the things we see and hear as teacher, I know I've said plenty of things like this but I can't think of any off the top of my head, I need to start writing them down!!
The Resource(ful) Room

The Colorful Apple said...

SO funny! I laughed so hard reading this. I've always said that I'm going to write a book with all the crazy things kids say!

Sara :)
Smiling In Second Grade

Kristin said...

So so so funny! Love Lasterday!
I can't think of anything right now -- but I can't believe some of the stuff I say.
A long time ago, i had a kid named Semaj. Whatever. Fine. Halfway into the school year, I sat him next to James. And he told James that his parents named him Semaj because it's James spelled backwards. My oh my.
A Teeny Tiny Teacher

Christina said...

Yes, laugh out loud son had to ask me why I was the bra one. I don't know how many students have come with some little brother or sister's undies stuck to their clothing because of static cling. Once, we were studying wheels, so the topic went to hamster wheels. One little girl yelled out, "I know what hamsters are!" When I asked her what, she said, "NOT TURTLES!!!" I was thinking, "Huh?" for about one second and laughed, realizing she was trying to say, "Nocturnal!"

Christina said...

Yes, laugh out loud son had to ask me why I was the bra one. I don't know how many students have come with some little brother or sister's undies stuck to their clothing because of static cling. Once, we were studying wheels, so the topic went to hamster wheels. One little girl yelled out, "I know what hamsters are!" When I asked her what, she said, "NOT TURTLES!!!" I was thinking, "Huh?" for about one second and laughed, realizing she was trying to say, "Nocturnal!"

meadowt said...

Thanks for posting this! After my day today, I really needed a laugh!!

Kerri Buckner said...

That made me laugh out loud and say Ewww really loud. Thanks for sharing. I know I've said things that I can't believe are coming out of my mouth but I can't think of them right now.
I did have a student singing stayin Alive yesterday which made me chuckle.
They really do say the funniest things.

Melissa said...

I had a fourth grader a few years ago that I could write a book on. One day, she wrote her journal writing in invisible ink. Ok, not too crazy. But when I told her to rewrite because I couldn't check it, she pulled out her invisible marker to write it AGAIN!
This same girl also cut up a dollar bill someone gave her because she "didn't think it was real".
One of my gifted children (no sarcasm actually) got in trouble for playing war WHILE I WAS TEACHING. Then he got mad because I didn't give him a warning. I told him it never crossed my mind to warn a 4th grader that playing war while I was teaching was probably a poor choice.
There are more, but these are the first to come to my mind. A belly button ring? Gross!

Liz said...

Love all of these! Last year I had a student walk out of the bathroom (which is in our classroom) and say, "I can't go. There's a banana in the toilet."

Came to find that one of my munchkins brought a banana to school because he hadn't had breakfast. He tried to eat it in the bathroom and flush the peel. Didn't work out so well.

The highlight of our day was watching the custodian take a long pole to get the banana peel out of the toilet.

Pocketful of Littles said...

I love this! Hearing the kiddos and some of the craziness is one of the best parts of my job.

I have a kiddo to explain to me where boobs came from and how she was made! The same still precede to tell me that when she grows up that she is going to get some "hair" and "blood"! Mind you I teach KINDergarten!

P.S. I just became your newest follower. I would love for you to visit my blog and follow me too

Shuna P

C said...

Haha! I laughed reading your post and all the other comments. Thanks for making my Sunday a little better. :)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you've already got your intro to your book! I'll be first in line! Thanks for sharing.

Michelle McElhinny said...

HAHA Love this!!!

I wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for my TOP 10 award! Stop by my blog and grab it so you can post it on your wall for all to see!! Congrats!!


Our Sweet Success

Caught in the Middle said...

So happy that I've found your blog! How hilarious are all these! Once while teaching Title I, I had a boy named "Polo," but when I pulled up his file for some paperwork , I found out his name was "Pollo," yes... His name on the birth certificate was chicken. I laughed for weeks and when I finally could talk about it without cracking myself up, I asked his parents. They wrote it wrong on the application and never changed it.

Come by tomorrow and check out my blog. You are one of my featured blogs!

Think, Wonder, and Teach said...

Stop playing with your balls. - During a lesson where we were using bouncy balls for a science experiment.

I am loosing my marbles. - when bag of marbles spilled across the room.

During a dental health lesson - You only brush your teeth on Wednesday? Followed by serious student who states "Is there a better day of the week to do it?"

Those are all I can think of for now. I love lasterday!!! I will use this one!

Misty (a new follower!)
Think, Wonder, & Teach

Unknown said...

I love posts like these!! We need to put them together in a book!

Teaching First

Stephanie said...

This is some great stuff! Love it!

My kids this year are having an incredibly hard time keeping the hour and minute hand separate on the clock. I finally asked them who lines up first on picture which they all said the shortest kids. So I explained the shortest hand is read first for the hour. Now anything I ask which hand is read first they shout short people in the front. I know it's so impolitically correct but it's working for us!

Hilary Lewis said...

Okay, this is hysterical! I too was LMAO! I am going to have to start jotting these down...gotta see the humor, right! I'm gonna stick this one on Hootsuite! I'm sure we all could use a laugh!

Thanks for sharing!

Rockin' Teacher Materials