Wednesday, October 19, 2011

"Well, that's brain damage!" -Bill Cosby

I love me some Bill Cosby.  Love him.  He totally cracks me up.  There are some days where ALL I can think about is this segment of his, "Himself" DVD.  Today was one of those days for sure.  Here's the clip if you've never seen it before.  My version is below...

We eat breakfast in our classrooms every morning since so many of our kids eat it at school.  So I looked up from checking folders and one of my second graders was rubbing his biscuit on his face.  {Maybe the flaky biscuits are great for exfoliating?} 

Me: Why are you rubbing your biscuit on your face?
Pillsbury Dough Boy: I don't know...
Me: Well please don't do it anymore.  Eat your food, don't play with it.

Fast forward not even two minutes.  Look up.  Biscuit on face AGAIN.

Me: WHY are you rubbing the biscuit on your face AGAIN?
Pillsbury Dough Boy: I don't know...
Me: What did I tell you two minutes ago?
Pillsbury Dough Boy: Not to rub my biscuit on my face.
Me: Then WHY are you still doing it?
PDB: I don't know...

According to Mr. Cosby, that's brain damage!

Then we're working in stations and an argument erupts because "she looked at me."  Oh, the horror.  I'm all, "Keep your eyes on your work and not on your neighbor."  And the kids are all, "But she looked at me first."  And I'm like, "Just stop.  Don't look at anyone.  And don't breathe in her air either."  

According to Mr. Cosby, that is why my face looks the way it does.  {So does that mean worker's comp will cover Botox?}

Oh but wait, there's more!  WHY do I have to repeat directions eleventy million times?  Seriously.  I'm sweet as pie the first time.  Nice the second time.  Then it's over. 

Scene: on the carpet during calendar with my kinderfriends...

Sweet as Pie Me, singing: "Are you criss cross, are you criss cross, hands in your lap, hands in your lap?  We are sitting quietly, we are sitting quietly, ready for math, ready for math."

{Three children STILL sitting on their knees, blocking the view for those behind them.}

Nice Me: "I still have some friends who are not sitting criss cross applesauce."

{My kindness has zero effect on these children.}

Me: Sit down.  On your bottom.  Sit down.  Sit down.  ON YOUR BOTTOM.  SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT....NOW!!!!!!

Whew.  I'm out of energy.  All because of this phenomenon Bill Cosby has coined as "brain damage".  And apparently all kids suffer.  I really think maybe we, the parents and teachers, suffer more than the kids because we put up with it!

(Disclaimer: I am so very aware that brain damage is real.  And I do not think actual brain damage is funny.  At all.  And I would be offended if the joke was about people who truly suffer from it.  However, this specific type of "brain damage" is kinda have to admit.)

Please feel free to share your "brain damage" stories!


Runde's Room said...

OH MY GOODNESS - this is SO the type of day I had ... and it's even less funny when it's fifth/sixth graders ... sigh ...

Runde's Room

Kristin said...

CRACKING UP!! I love this!!!!!! :) I also love Bill Cosby (One of my faves is "Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey!" and "Dad is great, he gives us the chocolate cake!". This was perfect -- I am also as sweet as pie the first time, too. :) :) :) And then WATCH OUT!
A Teeny Tiny Teacher

Jennifer said...

That is too funny!
I had a student break off the zipper of his jacket and zip it up around his neck. Of course he couldn't get it unzipped.
Me: "Why did you do zip your jacket like this?"
Him: "I wanted to have a cape like Superman."
Me: "I can see that. And while that's great it has taken me ten minutes to get you out of this jacket. Please don't do this again."
Him: "Ok."

But today....he did it again....and try as I might I really COULD NOT get the zipper undone!

Rowdy in First Grade

Primary Junction said...

This sums up teaching perfectly. Ha! If some parents only knew...

Unknown said...

Oh my gosh! Thanks for the laugh! I've had such a crazy week with my ADD student being off his meds. I called his mom a couple of times the past two weeks since it was listed on his file that he was on ADD meds and she told me he had been taking them. (Hmm...then why is he acting like a crazy wild animal???) When I told him yesterday that his mom said she had given him his medicine that morning and did he remember, he said, "No. I haven't had my medicine since I told you I had. Unless that drink in that can with the three lines that says 'Monster' on it is my medicine because that's all she gave me." Arrrgh!! She was giving him that energy drink in place of his meds!!! Gratefully, he had his meds this morning after two long weeks without.

Teaching First

Barefoot In First Grade said...

I love it! I am so happy that it is not just me. I really thought it must have been the full moon. The teacher that works across from me said it feels like the first week of school again. (She stated that she was having to repeat everything she said at least 10 times.) You have me rolling on the floor. Thanks for putting the humor back into teaching. We must not forget these moments and truly laugh about them. If not, we become sourpusses. : )

Barbara said...

Ha ha!!!! Glad to hear I'm not the only one who goes from sweet, to nice, to "I have SO had it!"
"Barefoot in First Grade" ... this must be a North American phenomenon .... the kids are CRAZY here in Victoria, too. We were also wondering about the full moon :)))

Grade ONEderful

First Grade Magic said...

This could have been a conversation in my room yesterday! Okay, most days. Thanks for sharing!!

Mrs. Nunley

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. Goodness! You are awesome! I grew up watching this with my parents... :o) My students have this type of "brain damage" too... haha! We also enjoy the "chocolate cake" skit he does as well as the "for most of my childhood I thought my name was Jesus Christ and my brother's was..." :o)

Tammy said...

LOVE this! It is too true and happens daily! Maybe the only ones with more BD are school board members and administrators!!! lol

Ms. Preppy said...

I am SO glad I'm not the only one who has to deal with this kind of brain damage!! :)

Erika said...

Love Bill Cosby! Best part about teaching the brain damaged is going home to your own brain damaged kids at the end of the day! HA!

2B Honey Bunch

Fern Smith's Classroom Ideas said...

I have loved Bill C. for years!!! I love how he says his wife USED to be a beautiful woman before dealing with the brain dead children!!!
In my classroom this year I have found myself saying, "The nice Mrs. Smith asked you to do it already, do you really want to meet the Mean Mrs. Smith?" Thank God no little Smart-Mouth as said Yes! yet. After I say it I think....that is about as stupid as it gets, but some groups really push you some years! :)
Fern Smith’s Classroom Ideas!

Michelle Rist said...

Oh I so needed that laugh! Thank you, thank you, thank you! My fav so far this year is my little darling who licks his hands! Not just a little part of his hand either....oh no.....he licks from wrist to finger tip, wrist to finger tip, wrist...well you get the idea. WHY???? Nothing I say makes him stop either! I just hope he washes his hands after his bathroom break! Laugh or cry.....choices, choices!

Jill said...

This was so funny!! Also, the story of my life. I feel so bad for my students without "brain damage" because they probably think I'm crazy...

Marvelous Multiagers!

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