Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Low fuel light's been on for days*...

Oh dear.  This past week has just been an absolute whirlwind.  I run, run, run, then come home and I'm lucky to get my pajamas on before I collapse.  I'm sure we're all in that same boat.  And it's sprung a leak.  And we are about to drown.  SOS!  Here are a few highlights from the past few days:

-I now have 30 kindergartners.  Thirty.  How is it that my first year I only had 22, now just two years later we are all sitting at about 30?  Why are there so many children?  But more importantly, what am I supposed to do with them?  Do you think maybe I can say, "Be still!" and tame them with the magic trick of staring into their eyes without blinking once?  And maybe they will be frightened and make me queen of the wild things and then the wild rumpus fun learning can start?  Because I definitely feel like I'm where the wild things are right about now.  Hopefully it will be better after Christmas.

-I also have a few farm animals in my first grade class.  I'm not exactly sure how this happened, but the other day I asked a student a question and he oinked at me.  Oinked.  Like a pig.  At first I thought maybe he was calling me fat, but after talking to the 90somethingpound skinny teacher next door, she confirmed that he oinked at her too.  Please explain.  In that same thirty minute time span, I looked up and a different student had his shirt down over his shoulder and was licking his shoulder.  Like a cat.  At that point I just wanted to scream, "Pinocchio, you're a REAL BOY!"  Why are we oinking and licking ourselves?  WHY?  We are people, not animals. 

-Our copy machine has been broken for a week.  I might be up all night hand writing worksheets for 90 students because my dry erase markers are starting to run out and I can only stand on my head to entertain them for so long.  Do any of you have your own copier or maybe you went in with several teachers and bought one?  Make recommendations if you have a good one because I'm ready to buy one so that my life doesn't have to stop when the copier does.

-Today I looked out the hall just in time to see one of my students run, drop down to his knees, and slide half way down the hall.  I sent him back to the reading teacher's room and called her to explain what had happened.  After school she told me that he walked back in and she asked him why he was back.  At that point, the phone started ringing.  He pointed to the phone, hung his head and quietly said, "That's Ms. Preppy."  Oh my.  My, my, my.  They know they're doing the wrong thing.  They know it.  But they do it anyway.  WHY??

-There's also some awful stomach bug flying around school.  I had two run out puking before 8am today.  That's never a good sign.  I'm thinking about getting them all an early Christmas gift--a pail attached to a string so they all have a little bucket right there.  Fashionable and functional.  Thoughts? 

-One of my second grade friends ran up to me at recess the other day and said, "Soandso called me a b-i-s-h."  A bish?  Really?  By second grade we should be able to spell that correctly, right?  I told the reading teacher that she might want to work on that a little bit.  But at least it gave us a new catch phrase: she's such a fish-with-a-"b".    Feel free to use that one.

Alex, I'll take "Reasons Teachers Drink" for $500...

* Bonus points to anyone who doesn't have to consult Google to figure out where my post title came from.  Hopefully I'll have a friend or two on here who are cool enough to know.


meghan said...

Your post cracked me up!

I see your "oink" and raise you a "duck call." I also don't understand why a couple of my THIRD graders spontaneously turn into ducks!

Unknown said... doesn't mean anything...I've got another 500 another 500 miles before we shut this engine down...

Pitner's Potpourri

Lori Faas said...

We have the puke here too. I literally cried when one of the kids said today "Mrs. Faas! Only 7 moe school days til vacation!" Really? Crap.....

Unknown said...

OMG-i-s-h you are my new bff.
Tunstall's Teaching Tidbits

Primary Junction said...

I feel for you! I hope some good things come your way soon. The last school I worked in only had one copier and it constantly messed up. It drove me crazy! I have a HP Photosmart Printer, which is a 3 in 1 - printer, scanner, and copier. I love it. If you're going to have to make a lot of copies for 30 students often though, it may not be the best option.

I'm not sure what is up with a lot of kids these days. I once had a child who often hissed at me like a snake! Talk about getting aggravated!

Erika said...

30 Kinders should be illegal. I have a kiddo this year who likes his nose like a cow instead of using a tissue. Oh, and he also licks his desk. Yuck! Our copier breaks down all the time and doesn't like it work if it is cold OUTSIDE! Keep your chin up!
2B Honey Bunch

Anita said...

I don't have farm animals, but I have one who eats playdough...and bits of crumbs off the floor...and dirt from the carpet...always lookin' on the floor seeking out her next morsel...may the next 6 days pass by quickly for us all...AMEN!
Mrs. Bremer’s Kindergarten

Chelsea Rose said...

Oh-EM-JEE I can relate to EVERYTHING in this post! I had a horse in my classroom last week, and I have about three monkeys that love to climb all over me EVERY.SNGLE.DAY. Our copier has also been broken for the last 3 weeks on and off. They'll get it fixed and it will work for aboooouuuut... a day, and then there's a sign on it the next day saying "out of order". Awesome. If you come up with an alternative, PLEASE let me know! I will definitely do the same! Hang in there!!

Heather's Heart said...

I am your newest follower and ADORE your blog! Your post is too fuuny! I have a Firstie who still makes animal noises! I would love for you to hop on over to my blog. I have TONS of *freebies* that would be AWESOME for your K kiddos....and maybe some of my inspirational poems will help! =)

Cupcake said...

Thank you so much for this post, it made me laugh! I can totally relate!! I"m so glad you found my blog, so that I could find yours :) Newest follower = me!

A Cupcake for the Teacher

Mrs. Roberts said...

Sooooo funny. I can completely understand why teachers drink. I've been known to look forward to coming home so I can make a drink and NOT think about some of the things that have happened in my day. I have a boy who CLUCKS!!!!!! When my principal asked him why he clucks. He said..with his cute speech impediment, "I'm communicating with the birds." She said, "We don't have birds in our school." He said, "I'm communicating with the birds in my head." How do you argue with that????? And the scary thing is that his a kinder kid and reading on a 2.7-3.7 grade level. What am I to do with him. So for him, I have a drink!!!!!!! Oh...and Friday, he was beeping. He said he was a truck backing up. But he was walking forwards. I don't know!!!!!

Kim said...

Are all of your posts like this?!
This is my first visit and I was laughing so loud, the "hubs" came to check on me!
I hit the follower button before I got to paragraph four.
Even the comments are funny!
This is definitely THE place to be.

Fish with a B...
That's a good one.

I think that you, Farley, Kristin and Reagan should start a touring comedy group.
You'd make a LOT more money than teaching and you'd be sold out every night.

Thanks for the wonderful laugh. I have 34 sixth graders--and I would take 20 more before I'd even consider teaching kinders.
I'm in awe of anyone who teaches kindergarten...especially when farm animals are involved...

Finding JOY in 6th Grade

PS Okay, I'll admit it: I googled!