You Know You're a Teacher When...

If you haven't seen this cute little linky party over at Kindergarten Lifestyle, you need to head over there now to read up and link up!  Too fun!

Of course, as soon as I hit save I think of something else...

You know you're a teacher when you have a song for everything!  Seriously.  I could make up a song about anything.  And I often do.  Most of the time it's to the tune of the latest and greatest on the Top 40.  And I usually get made fun of for it.  But maybe one day I'll land a record deal for my superfab educational renditions of pop songs.  Doubtful, but you never know.

I'm sure we've all corrected ridiculous behavior {both from children and adults} while in public.  I'm really bad about giving my teacher look while I'm out and about.  I just can't help it.  I don't understand why people don't control their children in public.  I also don't understand why grown ups TALK during the movies.  Movie theaters are very obviously NO TALKING zones.  Methinks businesses should start posting CHAMPS charts.  They could even pay me {either in money or products} to CHAMP all interactions at their establishment.  I'd be glad to set those expectations.  In fact, I've been to a couple of malls lately that have rules posted.  For real.  Mall Rules.  I'm thinking a teacher had something to do with that. 

I guess another one would be...you know you're a teacher when you spend your Sunday afternoons switching between your Lifetime movie, Facebook, lesson plans, blogs, and email.  I'm off to do some of that multi-tasking before the week hits.  There's a chance of snow tomorrow night.  Please dear God above give me a snow day.  We've only had one this year.  That's just plain sad.  We've usually had at least 5 by now.  What's up with that?!  Send me some snow vibes, please?!

Spring fever...already?!

Today was pretty much jam packed with LIVE ACTION!  {Speaking of live action, a super fab KY blogger friend commented today to say that.....

--wait for it--

.....she lives near the Turtle Man.  I imagine she can hear his "LIVE ACTION--YEEYEEYEEEYEEE!!!" squeals from her front porch.  And I'm kinda jealous.  I would have to hunt him down and invite him to do an assembly at my school.  That way he could see what live action really is.} 

{Speaking of Kentucky...last night I went to Wal Mart.  That's always an experience 'round these parts.  Anywho, I was walking into the store and there was an old man just standing in the middle of the parking lot.  He jumped out and me and said BOO!  And I almost peed my pants.  I kinda wondered if I was on Betty White's Off Their Rockers prank show.  But I don't think so.  I think it was just a regular night at a KY Wal Mart.}

I think my friends have a touch of spring fever.  In February.  They're just way too busy playing and chatting it up right now.  I've never seen anything like it.  Seriously.  Today I had one kid doing that whole "you can't see me" wrestler thing while I was doing calendar.  {I forget who the wrestler is because wrestling doesn't come on E! or Lifetime, so...}  And I looked at him and said, "I CAN see you.  And for some reason, you're playing while I'm teaching.  What's up with that?"  I'd like to say he stopped, but he didn't.  This story did not have a happy ending. 

Another thing about my friends.  I don't think they are friends.  I've never seen a group of kids bicker and fight the way they do.  There are 29 of them and there aren't enough places in my room to separate all of the ones who need to be on opposite ends.  It's really sad, to be honest.  They're in kindergarten.  And the way we're set up, they will be together until 2nd grade.  So they better start lovin' on each other now.  How do you make kids like each other and get along?  How?!

On a happier note, they're totally movin' and groovin' with skip counting.  Skip counting always makes me nervous, for some reason!  But they always totally blow me away!  They LOVE the Exercise and Count By 5s song by Harry Kindergarten.  Like they can't get enough of it.  I can't find the CD with my favorite 2s song...something about twoooooooooo shoes, yeah {I like it because we get to use our jazz hands}.  So if you have a favorite for counting by 2s, let me know!  Here's a fun little freebie if you're working on skip counting too.

Grab your copy here.

Off to work on making the next set of stations for kindergarten.  We're going to be working on how many more/how many fewer.  If you've blogged about anything like that or have an amazing resource, please point me to it!  Save me some time--and save my poor brain from exploding.

The one with gas, sad vocal chords, and a freebie

It feels like it's been forever since I've written a real blog post!  I have missed catching up with everyone.  I'm about to make a BIG DENT in my Google Reader.  Hope they have good insurance...  {I know.  I think I'm so funny.  It's sad.  Laugh anyway.} 

The children have been keeping me busy and cracking me up.  Bless their hearts.  They must know that if they didn't keep me laughing all day, I'd pull out my hair.  We've recently had some uh, gassy issues.  Last week there was the WYDTIFOJB incident. {I'm working on bracelets for all my party people.}  The very next day I was able to use that line on a kindergarten darling who totally let loose and ripped one on my carpet.  Like I think I saw her lift up off her spot on the carpet.  It was ferocious.  And of course everyone had to hold their noses and express their disdain for the fact that this {seemingly sweet} little girl just polluted their air.  I was trying to maintain my composure because I'm five just like them and can't help but laugh when someone passes gas and I looked back to see my assistant's head turned around, shoulders shaking with laughter.  {So relieved that I'm not the only immature adult in the room.}  I fought the urge to crack up and started to explain to the class that everyone does it and there's no reason why we should carry on like that.  All of a sudden, out of nowhere, one of them screamed out, "IT'S ALL THE BEANS!"  At that point, it was over for me.  It's all the beans...  It's time for me to have a serious chat with our cafeteria manager.  Smells Sounds Seems like we need to back away from the beans for a while.

Fast forward to today, when I woke up with NO VOICE.  Doesn't my body know how much I love to talk?  That is why I became a teacher, after all.  You know, so I would have a good excuse for yakking all day long and have a captive audience 5 days a week, 7 hours a day {Although, that's still nowhere near as much air time as the Kardashians...}.  Luckily my wonderful assistant taught kindergarten for me, so I just had to find a way to make it through first and second grade.  I struggled with my sweet firsties.  They took full advantage of the fact that I had to walk to them to correct their behavior.  I wised up with second grade though.  I gave them gum.  Magical gum.  Gum that would keep their mouths busy so they wouldn't need to talk.  And guess what?  Silence.  And amazingly wonderful behavior.  For almost two hours.  Aaahhhhh....  I will have to break out that magical gum more often.  But then it would probably lose its power.  I'm going to stay home tomorrow to rest my voice so that I can hopefully chat it up non-stop again on Friday.  Send vocal chord healing vibes my way, please. 
Finally, here's a little prize for you!  My second graders can always use extra practice with place value.  Here's a fun little activity you can do where they have to put the digits in the correct order and write the three digit number on the line.  Some of you may be able to use this with your first graders.

Grab your copy here!  Have a wonderful Thursday.  And think of me when you want to scream, "If I have to tell you one more time..."  Because right now, I would so welcome the opportunity to say something one more time.  When I finally get my voice back, I may end up talking to myself.  I might have to get on here and post my phone number when it starts working again.  You guys would call me so I wouldn't have to talk to myself, right?!

Holy Emails, Batman!

Let me apologize in advance for the fact that this post and my last one are both nothing but valentine exchange information.  But it's kind of taken over my life.  So that's all I have for you folks tonight.  Will you love me anyway?  I'm going to take care of a few housekeeping things {before I go take care of real live housekeeping...my poor house has been neglected the past couple of days}:

Gift Exchange Participants: You have all {and by all, I mean every last 140 of you!} been matched with a partner and you should have an email from me in your inbox.  Or maybe it's in your junk mail.  But I'm not junk.  So you may want to add teacherbloggerexchange{at}gmail{dot}com to your contacts so you don't miss anything from us!  If you have checked your junk mail and still don't see anything from me, please email at the address above and we will get it to you ASAP!

Classroom Exchange Participants: I am going to get this squared away over the weekend.  If you have not received an email by Monday morning, please email me and we will get you the information ASAP!

Sponsors: If you haven't already, you will get an email from us very soon letting you know what day your giveaway will take place and what you need to do as far as getting us your product.  If you haven't received an email yet, don't panic!  We started with February 1st and are working our way through the 14th...your giveaway may just be taking place a little later!  We have some AWESOME giveaways for you folks!!

Well, maybe I can leave you with a cute little story from today...

After our math intervention time, the interventionist told me that one of my lovely ladies kindly informed the rest of the group that she needed to fart {I know, I know...some of you are probably running around screaming, "Ms. Preppy said the F word, Ms. Preppy said the F word!"}.  Anyway, she needed to fart.  The interventionist asked, "Now, would you have said that in front of Justin Bieber?"  Little Lady got quiet and blushed.  So apparently "would you do that in front of Justin Bieber" is the new litmus test for whether or not something is socially acceptable.  I think we need WYDTIFOJB bracelets.  They would be all the rage.  I'll get right on that.

Oh, how I missed the children!

I love a good break.  And a nice, long weekend.  And even a snow day or two...or ten!  But I also love, love, LOVE the children.  Absence most definitely makes the heart grow fonder.  And I had been away for far too long.  Here are a couple of highlights:

A third grade teacher in my building was doing a journal entry and had the kids drawing and writing about a secret club.  One of the darlings made a sign on the door of her club that said: "Don't make no messes and don't do no trash talk."  Ignoring the grammar, that is excellent advice for life.  So many things could be avoided if people didn't make no messes or do no trash talk.  I probably need to make my own sign with that rule.  Or maybe a t-shirt?  I'll let you know when I launch my clothing line.

Today one of my little friends came in and was so incredibly sad.  He put his head down and just cried and cried.  I went over to give him a hug and to see what I could do:

Me: What's wrong?
Tears: Someone in my family died.
Me: Oh, no!  Who died?
Tears: I don't know.
Me: You don't know?  Was it someone close to you or did you just hear your parents talking about it and it made you sad?
Tears: Well, she couldn't walk anymore and she kept falling and so we had to put her to sleep.
Me: ...I had no words because I was thinking they put his grandma to sleep or something and I couldn't wrap my head around why they put someone in their family to sleep.
Tears: [sobbing] It was my cat!
Me: Oh, your poor cat!  I'm so sorry.  [Thinking: Whew!  Thank God it was just a cat!]

Obviously, my brain was still asleep because I really thought a grandparent had been "put down" and I was really concerned for the emotional well-being of this child.  And concerned that I may become involved in some kind of murder trial since this kid just told me about how they put a family member "to sleep".  But by the end of the day, he was back to his normal self; falling out of his chair and kicking his neighbor. 

I don't know about you guys, but I really work hard on manners and just developing socially acceptable behaviors with some of my friends.  I had a heart to heart with my kindergartners earlier this year about how instead of announcing, "I GOTTA POOP!", you should just ask, "May I go to the restroom?"  We've been doing really well with it.  Until today.

Little Darling: I GOTTA POOP!
Me: What should you say instead?
Little Darling: I GOTTA POOP, PLEASE?
Me: No...try, "May I go to the..."
Little Darling: May I go to the poop?
Me: "May I go to the restroom?"
Little Darling: Oh!!

{For the record: the conversation took much longer to type than it did to actually have with the child.  She didn't have those scary EMERGENCY eyes either.  We weren't at risk for an explosion!  I thoroughly assessed the situation prior to making it a teachable moment.}

Oh, the cute moments totally make up for all of the times I end up beating my head against a wall.  For the most part...  Have any of you had a funny or sweet moment over the past couple of days that made the alarm clock {almost} worth it?  I want to hear 'em!  That way I'll have lots of funnies and warm fuzzies to save for a rainy day.

"Well, that's brain damage!" -Bill Cosby

I love me some Bill Cosby.  Love him.  He totally cracks me up.  There are some days where ALL I can think about is this segment of his, "Himself" DVD.  Today was one of those days for sure.  Here's the clip if you've never seen it before.  My version is below...




We eat breakfast in our classrooms every morning since so many of our kids eat it at school.  So I looked up from checking folders and one of my second graders was rubbing his biscuit on his face.  {Maybe the flaky biscuits are great for exfoliating?} 

Me: Why are you rubbing your biscuit on your face?
Pillsbury Dough Boy: I don't know...
Me: Well please don't do it anymore.  Eat your food, don't play with it.

Fast forward not even two minutes.  Look up.  Biscuit on face AGAIN.

Me: WHY are you rubbing the biscuit on your face AGAIN?
Pillsbury Dough Boy: I don't know...
Me: What did I tell you two minutes ago?
Pillsbury Dough Boy: Not to rub my biscuit on my face.
Me: Then WHY are you still doing it?
PDB: I don't know...

According to Mr. Cosby, that's brain damage!

Then we're working in stations and an argument erupts because "she looked at me."  Oh, the horror.  I'm all, "Keep your eyes on your work and not on your neighbor."  And the kids are all, "But she looked at me first."  And I'm like, "Just stop.  Don't look at anyone.  And don't breathe in her air either."  

According to Mr. Cosby, that is why my face looks the way it does.  {So does that mean worker's comp will cover Botox?}

Oh but wait, there's more!  WHY do I have to repeat directions eleventy million times?  Seriously.  I'm sweet as pie the first time.  Nice the second time.  Then it's over. 

Scene: on the carpet during calendar with my kinderfriends...

Sweet as Pie Me, singing: "Are you criss cross, are you criss cross, hands in your lap, hands in your lap?  We are sitting quietly, we are sitting quietly, ready for math, ready for math."

{Three children STILL sitting on their knees, blocking the view for those behind them.}

Nice Me: "I still have some friends who are not sitting criss cross applesauce."

{My kindness has zero effect on these children.}

Me: Sit down.  On your bottom.  Sit down.  Sit down.  ON YOUR BOTTOM.  SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT....NOW!!!!!!

Whew.  I'm out of energy.  All because of this phenomenon Bill Cosby has coined as "brain damage".  And apparently all kids suffer.  I really think maybe we, the parents and teachers, suffer more than the kids because we put up with it!

(Disclaimer: I am so very aware that brain damage is real.  And I do not think actual brain damage is funny.  At all.  And I would be offended if the joke was about people who truly suffer from it.  However, this specific type of "brain damage" is kinda funny...you have to admit.)

Please feel free to share your "brain damage" stories!

...and summer's lease hath all too short a date!

Ahh...I've made it through the first FOUR days of school.  I'm not completely convinced I'm going to make it through an entire week, you know, five days in a row.  But we shall see!  We start so stinkin' early and I have NO IDEA where my summer went.

Luckily, my friends are AHmazing.  I'm 99.9% sure this is going to be the BEST.YEAR.EVER.  Want to know the best part about teaching the way I do?  My second graders come back in after being with me for two years and it's like they never even left!  They ran in the first day to give me a big "I MISSED YOU!" hug and we got right down to business.  My first graders remembered me and my classroom from kindergarten.  So the only new ones I have to train are the kindergarteners.  And boy oh boy, do we have a lot of training to do!  They are wonderfully fabulous, don't get me wrong.  Today they all told me how beautiful my hair was, my make up was, and my dress was.  All 24 of them.  {And I didn't stop them.  I should have.  But I didn't.  Massive amounts of daily compliments from sweet little people are just a perk of my job.}  Even though they're fabulous, they are NOTHING like last year's kindergarteners.  Last year's class didn't speak unless spoken to, they always walked in a straight line, and I very rarely had to raise my voice.  These kids?  Well, let's just say they're full of character!  And I can't wait to get to know my new cast of kinderfriends better.  I have a feeling they're going to rock it tomorrow.  {fingers crossed anyway!}

Favorite moments from the past four days...

"I-I-I-I... I wasn't running.  I was speedwalking."  ...I would appreciate it if you slowwalk in the hall from now on.

Ms. Preppy: Raise your hand if you can come up here and find the number one.
KinderFriend with Beautifully Raised Hand: If I built an igloo, I would make sure to put a light in there.  That way it won't be dark.
Great idea!  And congratulations, you've earned the non sequitur award today!  Let's bring it on back...I think you should put ONE light in your ONE igloo.  Can you come circle the number ONE?!

After teaching for about ten minutes, I look over by my closet and see a lone shoe...
Ms. Preppy: Is someone missing one of their shoes?
Shoeless Wonder: Oh!!  It must have fallen off while I was walking!
...and you haven't realized by now that you're missing a shoe?!!  My kinderfriends this year LOVE to take their shoes off.  I've never seen (or smelled) anything like it. 

Finally...a proud accomplishment: only TWO little kindergarten friends colored with their glue sticks yesterday.  Progress!